Is It Time To Eat?

Well, I have started a new diet today and to be honest…I’m starving to death. I am beginning to believe the lack of food is affecting my brain because I am having visions of dancing bread. I’d give my next pay check (if I actually got one) for a cracker. I keep telling myself that I need to get my mind on something else. I even went as far as calling my mom and telling her about my carbohydrate fantasies hoping she would step in like an AA sponsor and lead me down the right path. Needless to say, mom came through. Hang on…I’ll explain.

I am very well aware of “Thou shall not covet”, but we all know we are guilty of it on occasion. Having said that, let me take you back a few years around six to be exact. I worked with a girl that was the picture of perfect. For story purposes lets’ call her “Courtney“. She was beautiful, thin, had a great career, and super wealthy. The career and wealth did not nearly impress me as much as the thin and beautiful part. She was the kind of person that seems to “look down” on those that were less than physically perfect. I can even remember my excitement when I found out she was pregnant. I felt surely she would get a stretch mark or something!

The most memorable conversation I ever had with “Courtney” was when she was about 8 ½ months pregnant. We were sitting in a conference room with another female coworker when “Courtney” began to talk about feeling miserable. My ears perked up because I thought she would start to complain of swelling, heartburn or something, but no. She began to complain about how her thong underwear was getting to tight and if she did not have that baby soon she was going to have to resort to buying a bigger size. Now, I am not even going there about the thong thing. That is a whole other blog all together. What got me was that she was about to drop a baby and was still wearing the same size underwear!

How does this help my problem you might ask? Well, my mom called me earlier today to tell me that she saw a recent picture of “Courtney” and guess what she looks like she has gained about sixty pounds! Lord forgive me for my excitement. I know it is wrong of me to feel better, but somehow having this information made my starvation seem manageable.

Who’s up for a salad?