Bust A Move

Two weeks ago marked the second parent observation day at Kate's dance studio. We had dance first and during the warm up the teacher asked the girls to do their "butterflies". As they are "butterflying" she asked each little girl where they would go on their flying trip. The answers ranged from Disney World to grandma's house, except Kate. When asked where she would like to go on her trip Kate proudly answered "the shoe store"! That's my girl!

After dance we had gymnastics and it got a little more interesting. As I am sitting and doing my "observing", I noticed one of the other little girls bothering Kate. (In order to protect the not so innocent, we will call this little troublemaker "Lucy".) "Lucy" would get right in Kate's face and stick her tongue out at Kate and try to push her. Now, "Lucy's" mom was sitting right there in the room and did not say a word! By then, I'm praying "Lord, please give me the restraint I need to not grab this kid by the ponytail and drag her off that mat".

The good Lord anwered my prayer because Kate moved away from "Lucifer" I mean "Lucy". Next thing you know that kid followed Kate to the other side of the room and here we go again! Finally, my mother, who by the way, was there too said, "Stef, if you don't get that kid off of Kate, I'm going too". Again, I look over at "Lucy's" mom and I get NOTHING! No "Lucy" stop, no "Lucy" don't, NOTHING! Finally, I made eye contact with Kate and I gave her that look that only a mother can give a daughter, the look that says "take her out!". Kate stood up and pushed "Lucy" away and said STOP!

Problem solved, without having to make "Lucy" and her mom an "offer they couldn't refuse"

Who Invented Spring Break?

Aww! Spring break is upon us, but I am not necessarily rejoicing over the event. Don't get me wrong Carter being home with Kate and me is great, not to mention getting to sleep late. This, by the way, for my kids is only 8:30am. However, after the last few days at Casa de Crazy one must ask oneself "who invented spring break?" My first thought, whoever did was obviously not from the south. Any good southerner knows that we do not take "spring" breaks in the month of April. The only thing most of us "break" for in April is a trip to the local allergy clinic seeking refuge and some form of relief from the green monster otherwise known as pollen.

My week started off on a high note or should I say a "no" note. Monday morning I woke up and could not talk. The green monster had taken my vocal cords hostage. The kids took full advantage of the situation and were running amuck. I had to be crafty and resorted to hitting objects with a wooded spoon to get their attention. Tuesday the monster released my voice and began to infiltrate my head (it has been hurting for 3 days now).

Tuesday also marked our annual trip to the pediatrician for Carter's yearly physical. The doctor informed me that Carter has weighed the same amount for the last 2 1/2 years and has grew 3 inches in the last 12 months. Dude...could you imagine? All I can say is "dare to dream".

Wednesday was "D" day (dentist) for both Carter and Kate. Are you sensing a theme going on here? The kids fascinate me when it comes to going to the dentist. They love it! Kate has what I like to call a "toothbrush fetish". Anytime we go somewhere she wants a new toothbrush and shoes. The shoes are a whole different blog altogether. As of right now, she has 7 toothbrushes and she chooses a different one each morning just like she were choosing her clothes.

Today was much better at the Casa and sadly we only have a few more days in our "spring break". May they be increasingly more peaceful and somewhat "pollen free".

The Battle Rages On...

Well my friends it is that time of year again. People everywhere are rolling up their sleeves, putting on their dust masks and cleaning out their drawers. No, they are not spring cleaning, it is tax season people! Unorganized audit fearing people everywhere are searching for every bill and receipt they can find, all in an effort to fill their plastic Wal-Mart bags and over-sized shoe boxes.

Yes, the time of year that makes all the “number crunchers” of the world out right giddy is upon us and it is most obvious at Casa de Crazy. In the entire eight years Mark and I have been married one thing has remained unchanged during the annual “number fest” and that is Mark’s unwillingness to mow the lawn. I realize that it may sound like I am being a nag, but come on people! Right now, in our neighborhood we are being thought of as “those people”. You know the ones. They never take care of their lawn and as far as anyone knows, there could be a car up on blocks underneath all the grass! I am not kidding, it is BAD! In one spot it looks like we are starting to grow corn!

I have gone from asking, to begging, to pleading, to out right fit pitching, but alas it has not worked. We are once again living by Mark’s “code”, (and I quote) “I do not mow before April 15th".

So, if any of our neighbors happen to be reading this…I apologize. It is not me, it’s him! I promise we are not hiding a car or a broken down R.V. Please do not “roll” our yard, or put nasty notes in our mailbox. Just bear with me for a few more days!

Kateisms and Such

Some of the funniest things in life are the little things that people, especially kids, say and do. On that note, I want to share what I like to call “Kateisms.

Kate was in her room playing with Snickers. I was secretly watching from the doorway and this is what I heard. “Sneeeekers, I will be the beautiful princess and you can be my dog…….Spaaaarky.”

We were getting ready to leave for Carter’s T-Ball practice and Kate was giving me a hard time about what shoes she wanted to wear. I told her to wear her new flip flops that I made her. In her whiniest of voices she asked me why she had to wear those. “Because they are cute”, I replied. Then she said, “but mummy, I am already cute!”

My mom, Kate and I went to the nail salon for a mani/pedi. As some of you may know, it is sometimes difficult to understand the Vietnamese manicurist when they talk to you. When it was Kate’s turn, the lady took her by the hand and led her to her chair and began painting Kate’s fingers and toes. A few minutes went by and I looked over and there was my three year old daughter having a lengthy conversation with the Vietnamese manicurist! Obviously, Kate spoke her language!

Mark was going to take Carter and Kate outside to practice ball. Carter puts his cleats on and gets his gear together and announces that he is ready to go outside. Kate starts screaming “wait, wait, let me get my stuff!”. I told her to get here shoes and meet me in the living room. Moments later she comes bursting into the room shouting “I’m weddy to play ball daddy!”. (She came out wearing her pink fur lined boots, extra Cinderella lip gloss, and carrying her shiny pink satin purse.) Yep, she is going to be a ball player alright!

Kate: “Mummy, when is brudder’s birthday?”
Me: “Next Thursday.”
Kate: “When is my day, mummy?”
Me: “In about six months.”
Kate: “(gasp), No, no. I think all days should be Katie day!” “Can we do that mummy?”

Think Before You What?

Most of you I’m sure have heard someone (probably your parents) say you are going to “pay for your raising”. My mother has said it to me since the day she found out I was pregnant and boy she was right. Every chance my mom gets she tells the story about how I embarrassed her beyond redemption when I was a mere 6 years old. The story goes a little something like this…

My mom and I were home one night and her friend Helen came to visit. When my mom went to answer the door, I followed right behind her. Helen came in and I stood in the doorway and gazed outside. Suddenly I turned around and said “Mommy who’s ugly green car is that parked outside?” “Mommy that car is the ugliest car I’ve ever seen!” All mom could say was “hush Stephanie, just hush!” Needless to say when Helen left I got a nice long lecture about thinking before I speak.

Fast forward 29 years and here I am. Now I too have a 6 year old with an opinion of his own and no “off“ switch. His “motor mouth” really got cranked up about 6 months ago. He started off small with simple things like “Man, look at that woman! She sure is tall!” Then he progressed to “Mom, she looks like she is going to have 2 babies!”. Of course the “think before you speak” sermon rolls off my tongue like butter and has been given on more than one occasion.

He has toned it down a little and 90% of the time he manages to share his “opinions” with only me. Now, the bad part about being the parent is that I want to laugh when he says some of the stuff he says, but that only makes it worse. Sometimes he says out loud what I’m thinking and that is when I can’t control my laughter! That’s why deep down I know my mom didn’t like that green car either. No self respecting car owner would have! I digress.

All of this leads me to last Saturday. The kids, mom and I were going down the road and mom started talking to Carter about him being named after his great grandfather, so the conversation goes…

Mom: “Carter, did you know you were named after your great grandfather?”
Carter: “Uh?”
Mom: “Your great grandfather. Ya know, my daddy. Your mother’s papaw.”
Carter: “Oh!”
Carter: “Was he a preacher?”
Mom: “No, why?”
Carter: “Well, he was old.”
Mom: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Carter: “I thought all old men were preachers.”
Me: “Uh! Carter! Brother Joel is our preacher and he is the same age as your daddy!”
Carter: “I know mommy, that’s what I’m saying…old!”

Needless to say, I still can not find that “off” switch!

Dog Days of Winter???

As some of you know it has been two weeks since we became the all American family by adding a dog to the mix. Yes, Snickers is now a full time resident at Casa de Crazy. Honestly, it has been a peaceful transition and I have been pleasantly surprised. I guess I need to give you a little background info on the Snick-man. He is a 4 year old Schnoodle (part schnauzer/part poodle). He is crate trained and for anyone who has ever had a dog or puppy who was not, trust me this is a blessing. As I mentioned, the transition has been peaceful, but that does not mean it hasn’t been hilarious!

Snickers arrived on a Wednesday. This is important, why? Well, it’s because Wednesday is a church night. What’s my point? Well, Snickers is not necessarily a “people” dog. He does not “mesh” well with strangers. Yes, I was a stranger to him at first, but we hit it off well and I became his best friend within the first hour. Did I mention that he likes women better than men? Oh yes! Do you see where this is going?

Mark called me later on that Wednesday afternoon and told me that he would possibly have a conference call later that evening and he would not be at church, but would see me at home. Uh Oh! I then had to explain to my husband, who I had to “convince” to get the dog in the first place, that he could not go home before me that night. I told him that if he got home before me he could NOT go in the house! He very calmly ask me, “why?”. I told him that he was a stranger to Snickers and I had to be in the house with Snickers before he could come inside. (Can’t you just imagine what Mark is thinking by this time.)

So Wednesday night arrived and I was at church. It was around 8:00pm when my cell phone rang, so under the circumstances I answered it. It was Mark. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: “Hello”
Mark: “Hey, where are you?”
Me: (Thinking to myself…DUH!) “I’m at church. Where are you?”
Mark: “I am in my car, sitting in the driveway waiting on you to come home.”
Me: “Ha! Ha! Ha!…I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I quickly formulated a plan for getting Mark in the house, without being eaten alive by the massive white puff ball also known as Snickers. I went into the house first and took Snickers out the garage door to go “pee pee potty”. Mark and the kids then tip toed around to the front door and went inside. Snickers and I returned from the potty break and lets just say that it is a good thing Snickers went potty first. Snickers went nuts! He growled and barked and jumped. Mark handled it very well! He walked over to the fridge, got a piece of cheese and gave it to the dog. Snickers sucked the cheese right down and then became strangely calm. Mark looked down at Snickers and said “Hello dog, my name is Mark, I make the money around here, I buy the cheese…you will like me!” Mark and Snickers now have an understanding.

My mom could use a little of that understanding. On Snickers second day at Casa de Crazy things went fairly well until the early evening. The dog and I were in the laundry room when I heard the kids say something to me about Nana (my mom). I could not hear exactly what they said, but I soon found out. We came out of the laundry room and into the living room and there sat my mom! Snickers flew over to her (this dog is FAST, and he is a JUMPER) and started barking and snarling at her and then he started jumping at her face and snipping at her! What did I do you might be asking? I stood in the doorway and laughed until I snorted. If I had been drinking something, this would be one of those times it would come out my nose. My mom threw her hands up in surrender and started screaming…”Get your dog, Stef!” “Get your dog!” Needless to say, mom hasn’t come around much lately!

Yes, it is the dog days of winter around these parts and it just gets more interesting everyday!

You Know You Are From Georgia

As most of you know, I was born and raised in the south also known as God‘s country. The state of Georgia to be exact. Something crossed my email the other day and I simply must share it.

You know you are from Georgia if…

You can properly pronounce the following: Chickamauga, DeKalb, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and Lafayette.

Atlanta is pronounced “Add-lanna”.

Stores do not have “shopping carts” they have “buggies“.

You have seen people wear bib overalls to a wedding or a funeral.

You measure distance in minutes.

A tornado siren is your signal to go out into the yard and look for a funnel.

You do not have a “lawn”, you have a “yard”.

You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

Someone you know has used the UGA football schedule to plan their wedding date.

You know someone with a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

Almost EVERYONE you know is either Baptist or Methodist.

A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol, but a Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

You know everything goes better with ranch dressing.

On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other side is a cotton field.

Y’all is a word.

Fried Chicken is a major part of your diet.

Krispy Kreme donuts are the only donuts you will eat.

You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat wearing your new sweater.

When a single snow flake falls, the entire state shuts down and all grocery stores will be out of milk, bread, and toilet paper.

You know the difference between hillbillies, rednecks, and southerners.

You use “sir” and “ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that the person you’re talking to is at least 30 minutes older than you.

You don’t “appreciate” it…you “preciate” it.

Herschel Walker, Larry Munson, Sid Bream, and Hank Aaron are legends.

You say and know what “I bet your sittin in high cotton right now” means.

You use the heater in the morning and A/C in the afternoon during the “winter” season.

Last but not least, you know you are from Georgia if you have ever had this conversation:

“You wanna coke?”
“Yeah”
“What kind?”
“Dr Pepper”

Admit it my fellow Georgian’s (that means all of us that live in Georgia) you know I am right!